Category Archives: Quotables

Corporate Metrics

Corporate metrics are a necessary but terrible mouse trap.

Rule benders will bend the rules, and creating a mouse trap to catch a rule bender inevitably turns into a rube goldberg machine.

This machine eliminates autonomy and freedom of choice. It transforms personal pride, integrity, and accomplishment into a generic store-brand product of mediocre quality.

Cultural metrics commodotize the definition of excellence, at the expense of all, to weed out the few.

Linus is no fool.

Linus is no fool, he knows the key to marketing success is having people constantly talk about your product. So, the most successful product idea ever is obviously a version control system so complicated that every engineering conversation ever for the forseeable future is dominated by talk about his product, such as “Well, I’d love to share my files with you, but.. well, how do we do that again with git?”.

Hyphenated Names and Job Security

The hyphenated name fad is a conspiracy to keep software engineering jobs secure. What will we do 20 years from now (and every 20 after) when two hyphenated named people marry?

We’ll have a y2k-scale crisis of last name field lengths in forms and databases, that’s what.

When Mike Smith-Jones-Anderson-Smith-Snow marries Jane Doe-Jones-Anderson-Jackson-Williams, and little Bobby Tables is born (with last name Smith-Jones-Anderson-Smith-Snow-Doe-Jones-Anderson-Jackson-Williams, 67 characters), all hell will break loose. Then, 20 years later, when the common last name has 120+ characters, all hell will break loose all over again.

That’s why I always make my last name db columns type longtext.

Edit: Apparently we’ve been here before, check out this comment by bediger4000 from hacker news on this post:

Laugh at this guy all you want – the late medieval heralds had much the same problem. See Wikipedia on “Quartering“, specifically the arms for the Temple-Nugent-Brydges-Chandos-Grenville family.